When Strength Becomes Weakness—My Struggle with Spontaneity
And how living nomadically is helping me change
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Strengths pushed to extremes become weaknesses.
I didn’t come up with that idea, but I definitely live it out. I am highly organized. Disciplined. Self-motivated. Give me a list, and I’ll dutifully work through it.
Spontaneous, I am not. Spontaneity doesn’t fit on a list. By definition, it’s unorganized, unplanned. Is it healthy? Yes. Refreshing? Yep. Fun? You bet. Do I practice spontaneity? I plead the Fifth.
As I write this, Lisa and I are in Long Beach, California waiting to embark on our latest nomadic journey, a cruise from Los Angeles to Hawaii and Tahiti. We’re thrilled that our dear friends Bill and Chuck will be joining us. They arrived today, and we met near the marina for lunch at Outback Steakhouse to use a gift card someone gave us.
Over a shared Bloomin’ Onion (that counts as a vegetable, right?), we discussed what we should do with our free afternoon. None of us had done any planning or research on Long Beach, since it was mostly a staging stop before the cruise. Rather than pull out our phones and search for recommendations, we decided to (gasp!) simply wander and see where we ended up.
We found a boardwalk and strolled along the waterfront. Bill needed sunglasses, so we stopped at a shop and encouraged him try on the most outrageous pairs. I lobbied for the ones that made him look like Elton John, but he wisely opted for the Ray Ban knock-offs. (Ray Buns? Roy Bans?)
Seeing an arcade, Bill suggested we go inside. Lisa and I both hesitated. Part of how we afford cruising is by NOT spending money on shore. That’s why we used the gift card on lunch—we try to be frugal surrounding the luxurious stuff we do to keep our budget balanced. Buying arcade tokens was not in the unwritten plan!
But this time we rolled with it. Shot mini-basketballs, played Skee-Ball, and battled rampaging dinosaurs in a Jurassic Park game. With our tickets, we bought old-school Tootsie Rolls and Pez.
While Lisa made her afternoon call to her mom, Bill and I perused a display of book-cover-themed phone cases. We took turns guessing which one the other would buy for themselves. Bill thought I’d go for Dracula, which tracks, but I opted for The Headless Horseman. Bill is more highbrow than me, so I picked The Great Gatsby for him, but he’d selected Six Novels by Jane Austin.
After watching boats in the marina for a while, we found a chocolate shop where I drooled over salted caramel truffles. When Bill asked if I was going to get some, I was surprised. It sounds odd, but I had never even considered actually buying them, because of our rules. Which is silly. While it’s good to have a budget and spending plans, it is not good to be rigidly controlled by them. I realized that I often create rules in my head that I’m not always fully conscious of.
Rules that crush life-giving spontaneity.
Swallowing my discomfort, I bought the truffles. They were delicious.
At a hat shop, we confirmed the fact that I look ridiculous in every hat ever made. I did not buy a hat.
Everything we did that afternoon was unplanned. Unorganized. Spontaneous. And wonderful.
As Lisa and I walked back to our hotel, we talked about how much fun we’d had. We lamented how we work hard in our nomadic lives to get to amazing places around the world only to allow our fear of spontaneity and our sometimes-unreasonable rules to stop us from fully experiencing them. We vowed to do better. To be braver. To start now, on this trip.
To, ironically, practice being spontaneous.
Where are you at on the rigidly-organized-to-effortlessly-spontaneous spectrum? I’d love to hear where you’d rate yourself in the comments!
I really resonate with that dichotomy Claire. The balance of peace of mind that planning brings against the ease and freedom of spontaneity. It's a tension to be managed for sure!
We just returned from a Mexican resort area where vendors are everywhere. I am planning to travel later in the new year to a literary event and so I must watch expenses. My husband does not need or want a new t-shirt or cap. I don’t buy souvenirs but I did buy a new dress that I didn’t need. Food expenses are easily managed. It is fun to people watch or walk so entertainment costs little. I am naturally spontaneous but as I get older, my tastes and appetites have changed.